THE WINNER

"In the end, it ain’t about winning the stage but it’s about winning yourself."

He won AF Show after losing his confidence show stage

The transition period of my life has just begun. I was approached to fill a new position in the institution I am working at which is the head of the department of a 2/3-month camp. I was not sure about the feeling I had. At the same time, I was sad because I had to leave the place which taught me many things, camp. On the other hand, I was happy because I would be able to create something that I called a “playing system” to broaden up the programs we had in terms of helping those who need to be helped. However, it was not as easy as I thought. I fought my idealism sometimes, I am in the midst of perplexity. I can simultaneously heal my past when while being open to the present. Instead of blaming the situation I am in, I would try to look for the lesson behind it. I will call this as a challenge that would uplift me to the higher phase of my life. Yep, I cannot be timid.  Speaking of camp, it was a place where I could find my younger self. It was a place where I could help him to be a better version of himself by helping those that I called the struggling students. Frankly, I hate to be called a teacher because I know that the things I did ain’t as huge as the real teacher did. Being in the camp means being able to keep learning either as a student or a teacher and I would dedicate this writing to those whom I called a school.

It was in a camp named Alchemist, I met several struggling students across generations. They are genius in their way. As a camp tutor, I would always do simple observations to know their personality in terms of finding the best method to teach them. I found a student who was always feeling shy whenever I tried to trigger him to talk. He was an introvert who always had an early bedtime. I knew that it would be an awkward feeling for him when I asked him to blend with others. I patiently tried to approach him from time to time although It drained my energy. Rousyid is his name.

One of the activities that the students should do in the camp is writing and telling their story in front of me every day named “diary up”. Some of them took this activity as an obligation that must be done but some took this as a way to share the feeling they had. Rousyid is one of my students who took the diary up as the platform to embrace every single thing he had. His diary speaking is always the most intentional among others but he had no confidence to see my eyes while telling the story he had. I encouraged him every single day ‘till he said

“Bro, I am not confident”

Sometimes, as a tutor, I have the willingness to help others but it would freaking impossible when those who need help did not want to be helped. However, Rousyid is different. his consistency and enthusiasm pushed me to be able to give more than just English and he deserved the stage of confidence show, the event that is held every period as a platform to build the confidence of students up.

Rousyid was extremely nervous when I chose him as a speaker representing our camp, Alchemist. He considered himself a student who ain’t courageous enough to stand up in front of many people. He wondered why I chose him. I said to him “My target is not to win the show, but you have to win yourself. I give you this chance because Alchemist and I do believe in you.” What's the point of the trophies if they can't bring such significant benefits? If I wanted to win the trophy I would choose members whose English skill is much better than him. Rousyid decided to take the chance while having doubts inside.

“Syid, we would not let you alone”

That’s the last word I said to calm him down.

Long story short, I asked him to prepare the text of the speech. I deliberately gave confidence as a topic, So that Rosyid would also research something he thought he didn't have. Moreover, that’s the trick to trigger him to find his confidence. After choosing him as a speaker, we met intensively to comprehend the material, from selecting topics, analyzing definitions, and mapping the structure of the speech. I witnessed his hard work.

Finally, the day which had been waited for a long time came. We were in the hall. I was quite nervous when accompanying Rosyid preparing his performance. his hands were shaking, cold, and sweaty. He was super nervous. A few minutes before he performed on the stage, I gave him a warm hug.

"Enjoy the stage, don't think too much about winning or losing, at least close your speech with pride"

In the middle of his speech, he lost his words and unpredictably he said  "I am nervous, I am trembling. Do I deserve to be called an unconfident person? No, I don't. Because I am standing here, I am trying, I am doing something to face my fear. That's the valuable thing behind the alchemist value." DAMN! It touched my deepest heart in such a fucking deep way. However, I could not expect too much from his performance. There are some of the performances who performed better than him but he did his very best. Even though in the end, he lost but for me, he is the real winner because he dared to face his fear. I am proud to be a part of his journey and it’s always worth celebrating because in the end, it ain’t about winning the stage but it’s about winning yourself.