A few days ago, after interviewing some candidates applying to be a part of my job, I laid down on the couch next to my desk. Ninis, one of my friends in this institution was with me. We were in a conversation which would be inevitable if I didn’t stop her. She asked me “Why do you care so much about your camp members? Do they deserve to get your sincere attention ? How come you radiate all of those things to many people?” and so on. I made my answer as simple as I wanted, in hope that she would stop asking those questions. My deepest answer is that I have no little brother in my family, I do have siblings yet it feels that I am still alone as I didn’t grow up together with them due to several principals of life which made our relationship ain’t really connected. I wish I had a better relationship called bromance where I could share sadness, struggles, and pains with the closest one, my brother. The fact that I couldn’t.
Ninis’ questions pulled me out to my transition period when I had to not handle the camp. At that time, I was in the worn-out period of my job. It seemed that I would take my day off as a camp tutor. Deep down, living in the camp means living my life. It’s not all about money. Moreover, it’s about myself. I had never been in the red zone of my performance. It means that I was eligible enough to still handle the camp. Our institution was in the low season when there were only some students coming. It affected the amount of money that the tutors would get. Ironically, we had many tutors which need to survive in the low season. Those who are paid as camp tutors only would suffer in this unexpected situation. I was so lucky because besides handling the camp, I’m also one of the tutors who had a teaching schedule in the main class. In order to give an opportunity to those who were only handling the camp to be approached to teach in the main class, I asked Bro Sai, the HOD of the offline class to not give me any teaching schedule in the low season. It was rejected. He said we had a lack of tutors who were able to teach my subject. Damn! Deep down, I didn’t want to leave camp life because I will experience the spirit of sharing in the camp. Especially, when some members approached me by making an issue that I would replace their previous tutor who will resign from this institution. They were so excited, but I ain’t able to carry their high expectation on me.
Long story short, I had to compromise by understanding the situation. I texted Bro Bimo, the HOD of Camp Division that I was fine to leave the camp but if the situation became normal again, I would love to be a part of camp again. It’s again not about money, it’s about passion. Finally, El replaced me and he placed in my previous camp, Borneo. I was not sure about the feeling I had. At the same time, I was sad because I had to leave the place which taught me many things, camp. In the other hand, I was happy because I helped the other tutor to survive by handling the camp. Yap, it is what it is.
My life after not handling the camp had started. I moved to a boarding house named Cassanova, it cost me 450K / month. I had to use my money wisely as I would not have a good income but Sabri, my closest friend taught me how to survive, how to learn and experience the new things we called “the sense of being struggle”. I had to share the room with a stranger which was so weird for me but I had to be used to it. The new phase of my life was so boring. I was physically and emotionally drained. I tried to look for the chance to uplift the skill I had by trying to find several activities to fulfill my needs even though I didn’t have a lot of money but I had a lot of time to be spent. I decided to enroll in a course, I chose eminence, one of the courses which located near my boarding house. Instead of barking at the situation, I tried to look for a new thing that will value myself more. I got it.
Long story short, I was approached to teach at the second level of my subject. I was so nervous. It had been a such very long time since I had never been in this class but I kept going. Surprisingly, On the first day of my teaching, I met my junior at my university, Manohara. She helped me a lot to break the ice in my class by giving me several nostalgic questions. They were fine with the method of teaching I had. One day, I missed the camp life so much. I ain’t able to hold my feeling. There were some questions I gave that related to the camp experiences. I hid my feeling, but Taufan, one of my students caught that I ain’t fine. Yap, I was in shambles and he started to approach me after class. During the class, I brought up the topic of the dream killer. It made Taufan become a detective who’s extremely curious about my perspective on anything and it led us to a further relationship. We ended up our relationship not as a tutor and student but as a friend. We went outside to grab some coffee or have dinner after. I thanked him as he made me feel understood and seen. We made a podcast and it was nice when you tried to seek out a sense of connection then finally you found it. Our friendship was temporary due to his learning period here but the thing that I should be grateful for is meeting him in my class. He would always be remembered.
Back to the Ninis’ questions “Why do you care so much about your camp members? Do they deserve to get your sincere attention ? How come you radiate all of those things to many people?” well, a little too much sometimes. Aldo and Elbas knew my way of treating my first camp. I tried my best to excel them by providing the best performance I had even though sometimes I got hurt because they didn’t realize that every single detail I did was only for their growth. Aldo and Elbas would always be my ears. Aldo and Elbas always said that I was too much when the reality didn’t meet my expectation I would get a headache and they were patient enough to calm me down. Why did I do that, still? Being in the camp and witnessing their growth are another level of my happiness. Helping struggling students to not lose their way is just like helping my younger self back then. When I was in Junior high school I was the victim of bullying. I tried super hard to find a sense of identity. I was alienated instead of getting help from others. I had to deal with the justification they had. I was in the lost and found of myself back then. I had no confidence. Pak Adi, one of my teachers which I want to thank, helped me to find my confidence. It’s nice when you have someone who believes in you when you don’t even believe in yourself. Pak Adi motivated me by saying that I had a lot of potential to be broadened. He chose me as the leader of a ceremonial officer. He introduced me to art, poetry, speech, and other things which I had never explored. I was eternally grateful for it. It changed the majority perspective of Alfa. Indeed, Pak Adi aided me a lot to find my value. It impacted my confidence that I am worthy enormous.
Probably, the answer to the ninis’ question is just as simple I want to thank Pak Adi, the love giver, to the people which I am unable to mention, and to those who believed in me when I didn’t even believe in myself. Helping the students in camp to strive in a hard time (life is already hard though) is my way to thank, and to continue every single support, sincerity, and willingness to help that I got in the past and it feels that I help my younger self back then. In the end, it’s about the choices.
I chose to play, and I’ll carry on it.
TO BE REMEMBERED :
 |
| Alfalistic |
 |
| Fellas |
 |
| Bootcamp |
 |
| Bootcamp |
 |
| Petrichor |
 |
| Alchemist |
 |
| Orion and there are some pictures which i am unable to attach. |
Comments
Post a Comment